Ahoy! Mike Leach Ready to Pummel Somali Pirates

Ever since the collapse of their central government in 1991, the African country of Somalia has been awash in chaos. One result of this ongoing anarchy has been the threat to international shipping by Somali pirates. (No, not the swashbuckling Johnny Depp kind.) And the American public has become more aware & emotionally invested in this ordeal with the story of the capture & eventual rescue of Captain Richard Phillips.

Mike Leach pirate skeleton

(Appropriate pic courtesy of THE WIZ OF ODDS)

Now that U.S. citizens might be concerned about the dangers seafarers face around the Horn of Africa, some might argue that something needs to be done about these pesky pirates. And when it comes to international maritime business affairs, who better to ask than Texas Tech football coach Mike Leach.

RIVALS.COM asked the Red Raiders’ head honcho - who’s already shown his knowledgeable know-how on such subjects as dating, Wall Street & meteorology - on how he would handle the Somali situation. And just as you would suspect, Coach Leach came right to the point, saying it’s time to hit the Horn and exterminate with extreme prejudice. And he knows just the fellows for the job:

“They need somebody to go clean that deal out. Whoever that leader of the SEALs is, I think he’s got it right. I think you ought to get the Navy SEALs out, have a long weekend, and go have their fun.”

And really, how hard can that be?

“It can’t be much tougher than Grenada to straighten that situation out, I wouldn’t think. We’ll see what happens.”

Maybe Mike might want to watch “Black Hawk Down” again. But such a planned pummeling of pirates doesn’t have to be just an all-American outing:

“I’ve got to believe that even their Somali pirate friends are going to kill some of those folks that messed with American ships. Because, up to this point, they hadn’t really done that.”

But don’t think that Leach believes gunboat diplomacy is the only answer to the problem. He does offer some not-so-warlike solutions for Somalia’s sad situation:

“I’m surprised it’s gone on to this point,” Leach said. “You just pay them off and the rest. But if you stabilize the government, and they’re able to feed their people, that stuff is less likely to happen. At some point, then you put criminals in jail. I don’t know, we’ll see.”

More nutrition means less munitions. Makes sense.

So, Somali pirates, you’ve been warned. You don’t mess with the U.S. - or Mike Leach is comin’ & gunnin’ for ya!