Adding A Question Mark Makes Everything OK (?)

Total bullcrap journalistic practice that needs to die in an incinerator, #26345: The misleading headline/question mark combo. For whatever reason, writers are able to get away with some of the most absurd, heinous implications with the addition of uncertainty, via question mark. For example, if a headline said “[insert your favorite President] Routinely Murdered Grandmothers With His Bare Hands,” you’d know the article wasn’t worth reading because that is absolutely nowhere in the record of facts. But if it was “[insert your favorite President] Routinely Murdered Grandmothers With His Bare Hands?”, all of a sudden you’re thinking, “You know what? Maybe there’s something there.” And then the article’s about economic policy and you’re just irate.

Matthew Lesko Question Mark Suit
(This uncertainty is so zany!)

So while it’s no surprise, it’s still disappointing that the practice has bled over to PRO FOOTBALL TALK, where a recent headline read, and we quote, “Brandon Jacobs wants to beat up Tony Siragusa?” The article itself had absolutely nothing that suggested that Jacobs was upset; in fact, the only time Jacobs even mentioned Siragusa was to say he didn’t care about him. Booooooo. Poor form.

Or is it poor form? We’re going to print the notes for our fantasy football team, but give it all some fun headlines. Let’s see if we can’t gin up a few cheap pageviews on this one.

Is Philip Rivers an illegal immigrant?
We actually like the matchup of Rivers against the Steelers sans Troy Polamalu, but we’d like him far more if LaDainian Tomlinson were at full speed. The “halfway” split of carries we’re likely to see might interrupt the flow of the offense and cut into Rivers’ fantasy numbers.

Has Maurice Jones-Drew stopped beating his wife?
Jones-Drew had a breakout performance in Week 3 against the Texans, and while we respect the Titans defense a lot more than Houston’s, the fact is, the unit still hasn’t been much to write home about so far in 2009. MJD should have a solid day.

Is Steve Slaton a violent sex offender?
Slaton is getting vultured like nobody’s business by fellow back Chris Brown, although perhaps Brown’s Week 3 fumble might open the door for Slaton enough for him to plow through for the first time this season.

Roy Williams puts cigarettes out on kittens?
Though his seven targets in Week 3 has us confident again that he and Tony Romo are on the same page, we’re a little bit troubled by his drop in the end zone on Monday night, as it might lead to some further trust issues. Nevertheless, we have faith Williams can overcome a tough matchup versus the hot-starting Broncos pass defense. With his skills, no reason he can’t score the first receiving touchdown against that team.

Did Nate Burleson sleep with your gfirlfriend?
Seneca Wallace sure seemed comfortable with Burleson in Week 4; the receiver had a team-best 12 targets and caught nine of them. Wallace seems likely to get another start, so even though this matchup might appear tricky on paper, there’s some sleeper PPR potential here.

Is Jeremy Shockey sane?
If the Saints are to have any success against the Jets through the air, they’re going to need all their receivers bringing their best. Shockey has shown thus far that he’s a key cog in the offense, and we see a few red-zone chances coming for him against this stiff defense.

Mason Crosby hatching elaborate death plot against Seth Rogen?
We’ll say two things in Crosby’s favor: One, this is a dome game, so the conditions favor kickers. Two, Packers-Vikings should be a slugfest, meaning enough point potential to give Crosby a start.

Packers defense so enamored with Brett Favre that they want to make out with him instead of playing football?
Brett Favre sure seemed charged up by the home crowd last week, didn’t he? Oh, he should do the same this week, in home game No. 2, one against his former team no less. We’ve got a lot of respect for the Packers defense, but they’ll have better matchups than this looking forward.

What? We used question marks. We’re fine.