ADD RAPE TO MICHAEL VICK’S RAMPAGE OF CANINE ABUSE: After reading all 18 pages of Michael Vick’s damning indictment, which links him to the torture, rape (yes, rape) and murder of defenseless dogs, let’s be real: We’re Roger and out when it comes to attending NFL games if he’s convicted and allowed to continue his football career.

The indictment indicates that at one point Vick and his verminous cohorts “obtained shirts and headbands representing and promoting their affiliation with ‘Bad Newz Kennels’“. Bad Newz Kennels was the name of Vick’s dog-murdering outfit, with the name a euphemism for his hometown of Newport News, VA. The skunks at a competing kennel named their organization “Show Biz Kennels“. Great.

The dogs which Vick purchased, trained, fought and subsequent executed: “Tiny“, “Too Short“, “Magic“, “Big Boy“, “Junior Mafia“, “Seal” and “Chico“.

After one such animal lost a fight, Vick approved “wetting down a dog with water and then electrocuting it”

And the indictment reports that Vick literally didn’t miss a trick when it came the abuse of a helpless animal. He approved the use of a “‘rape stand,’ (which is) a device in which a female dog that is too aggressive to submit to males for breeding is strapped down with her head held down in place by a restraint.”

Torture, rape, murder and makeshift graves? Forgive us, for a second we thought we were talking about Uday Hussein’s Iraqi Olympic Team training techniques.