ACC Tourney Tix Unsold For 1st Time In 42 Years

For 40-plus years, there were only two ways to get tickets to the ACC Tournament for men’s basketball. One involved making huge donations to an ACC school, which got you on a list. If you donated enough, you got permission to buy a book of tickets for a bunch of ACC tourney games, including ones you wouldn’t attend if you had a parlay on them.

The other way? Marry Shelden Williams. (It would finally provide an explanation for the Lyle Lovett-Julia Roberts combination that is Candace Parker and Shelden Williams.)

Shelden Williams and Candace Parker

(You no longer have to bear this man’s child to see Duke play in the ACC Tournament)

However, the impending death of the world economy (ETA for the day Mike Krzyzewski flies coach: 18 months) has led to the seventh seal being broken: Tickets for the ACC Tournament may go on sale to the unwashed general public. Please stock your bomb shelters accordingly.

This is after the Georgia Dome closed off some seats “to help ensure that spectators have a good view of the game” (read: can’t sell tickets). Therefore, the ACC may want to “welcome new fans” (read: can’t sell tickets) to the tourney. Before they do that, though, they’re sending tickets to schools that have more demand and taking them away from others.

(By the way, those quotes are not from the ACC, but are directly taken from the article.  Reason #342980 we’re thrilled our English teachers taught us critical reading.)

Perhaps the ACC should forget about generating revenue and do what the NBA does during the Rookie-Sophomore game: invite a bunch of kids, write it off as a tax break, and call it “community outreach” or “doing it for the children”.

Remember: the children of today are the faux alumni of tomorrow that root for your franchises while never having a chance of attending your university because … hell, who can afford college these days?