Sometimes, in stories this good, it’s best to skip the setup jokes and cut right to the meat: The Boston Red Sox have won a trademark infringement case against a man who wanted to slap the phrase “Sex Rod,” in Boston’s Olde English font, on everything from lingerie to infant’s clothing.

This “brilliant parody” (I put it in scare quotes to indicate not that anyone said it, but that it’s not really a brilliant parody) is unsurprisingly the work of a New Yorker, one Brad Francis Sherman, who attempted to trademark the logo in July of 2005. You might ask yourself, what does a “self-proclaimed humorist” know about intellectual copyright law? The answer is, slightly less than he knows about being clever. (Sex rod sex rod you’re my sex rod and baby you can turn me on, after the jump.)

You really owe it to yourself to read the decision in the case from the Trademark Trial and Appeal Board, posted here. It includes such gems as:

The significance of “rod” when preceded by the word “sex” denotes only one meaning. In the context of applicant’s goods, with the mark perhaps emblazoned across a t-shirt or some other item of apparel, and in the context of the marketplace, which would include all public places where the clothing would be worn or purchased, the mark would convey, not a sexually suggestive connotation as applicant contends, but rather a sexually explicit message to the viewer. We agree with opposer that the use of the term on children’s and infant clothing makes the term particularly lurid and offensive.

Surprisingly, the board did not find that the public would associate Sex Rod with the Red Sox:

In any event, considering the inherent nature of applicant’s mark, and the fact that the mark is disparaging to opposer as discussed above, the public would not reasonably believe that opposer, a famous and reputable organization, would be associated with a mark that disparages itself.

I’m fairly excited to see this covered by CNBC’s Darren Rovell, a highly respected reporter who’s usually on much more legitimate sports business stories. I guess one can only do so many stadium financing and anti-trust lawsuit investigations before they need a little Sex Rod in their life. I think we could all use a little Sex Rod in our lives.

(The real Sex Rod - Am I Right, Folks?)