THE NEW YORK DAILY NEWS is reporting that “Material Boy” Alex Rodriguez held final tryouts last night for his legal team in what’s sure to be a contentious divorce with his wife Cynthia Rodriguez.

When the smoke cleared, Ira Elegant (who represents Shaq and has one of the greatest names of all time) was benched in favor of “powerhouse trial attorney Alan Kluger.” Along with Kluger, A-Rod will be represented by two female attorneys Cynthia Greene and Laura Davis Smith, whom he will try not to have sex with.

A cursory Google-aided look at the three attorneys after the jump.

• Alan Kluger is an accomplished art collector who has been known to hedge his bets, as evidenced by his campaign contributions during the past primary season: Kluger gave $2,300 to Mitt Romney and $2,000 to Joe Biden, both of whom turned out to be big, fat losers.
• Cynthia Greene has been listed in the yearly Best Lawyers in America book since 1993: Good! Cynthia Greene has the same first name as A-Rod’s wife: Bad! Also, there’s a 10% chance she moonlights as a gospel singer.
• Laura Davis Smith is a graduate of the Northeastern University School of Law, which is located in Boston, a city known for not exactly liking A-Rod. As such, there’s a good chance she will sabotage the case.

And what conclusions can we make from this hard-hitting investigative journalism? Absolutely none!