You know those “Wanna get away?” Southwest Airlines commercials? Well, now would clearly be a good time for Alex Rodriguez to get away. Except he can’t, because he’s trying to sell his private jet.

(Enjoy the full A-Rod experience: Pop some pills on board.)

According to the NEW YORK POST, Rodriguez has put his 14-passenger Gulfstream IV on the market for $16-$20 million, a portion of which will go to pay off some $376,000 he still owes on the first year’s payment for the plane, which was only purchased a year ago with money from A-Rod’s massive 10-year contract.

The breakdown of the debt is pretty fascinating, too. It seems that A-Rod and his family spent $106,000 on “catering, fueling and other services”, which means they bought a whole lot of airline food (sounds disgusting, doesn’t it?).

The remainder of the money owed to a company called Airlinx, who Rodriguez bought the jet from a year earlier, is due for late payments on the plane. There’s catch with Airlinx, too: It’s owned and run by a man connected to the Russian mob. You can’t make this stuff up.

So let’s get this straight: A-Rod makes approximately $27 million per season, but because of mounting legal fees and child support payments, he’s being forced to sell his one-year old private jet, on which he owes $106,000 for food and $270,000 for not making payments to a relative of the Russian mob. Seems like a smart business plan, doesn’t it?

If you answered “no” to the question above, it means that you still have a brain, which means you’re not a serious enough athlete. Go take some testosterone and Primobolan! Now!