Although he’s been retired from professional wrestling since 1999, you’ll be happy to know that you can still keep tabs on The Ultimate Warrior — or just “Warrior,” I guess, through his blog, WARRIOR’S MACHETE. And what a magical treat it is. This week’s subject: Michael Jackson.

If you thought that a former pro wrestler might not have a lot to say about The King of Pop, you haven’t followed Warrior’s career. To call him a social conservative is putting it mildly; James Brian Hellwig, aka Dingo Warrior, aka Blade Runner Rock, was actually thrown out of the Young Republicans for being too radically conservative. After leaving wrestling, Warrior embarked on a career as a conservative public speaker; a career that pretty much ended in 2005 after his infamous “Queering don’t make the world work” comment during a speech at UConn.

From his blog:

I imagine all the crying about the death of this recent drug-soused entertainment freak has most to do with the unfortunate inconvenience that the other drug-soused entertainment freaks now face. They will have to look for another local, safe and reputable babysitter. No longer will they be able to drop their kids off down the street at Jacko’s to be watched for the afternoon and spend some play time with his own kids.

I hate the paparazzi, and think they should all be shot for the obsessive invasion of privacy. But I’m really going miss ALL those TMZ and Entertainment Tonight video clips of Jacko’s and other celebrity kids playing together. You ever see any of those? Weren’t they great? Didn’t they make you feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside? Worked for me. Every time I caught one it made me believe maybe he wasn’t a pedophile. After all, famous and rich entertainers, with all kinds of money to go to any expense to have things accurately checked out for themselves, wouldn’t let their own little babies near a pedophile…would they?!

Well, you gotta give him credit for one thing. He spent all his money (and then some) before he died. And that’s not an easy thing to calculate. Go ahead, ask your financial planner if he has a plan to pull it off. For all the horrific mismanagement of millions and millions and millions of dollars, here at the end, Jacko did a pretty damn good job at balancing the books in his favor. Sorry, at my new age and with the way the Obama economic plan is going, I couldn’t help but recognize this stunner.

Your Founding Father of Intense Sarcasm…

Always Believe, Warrior

You gotta love someone who ends a mean-spirited screed full of social venom with the words “Always Believe.”