A Cubs-Themed Mausoleum Is Oddly Appropriate

When do you cross the line from fan to fanatic? The new trend is coffins and urns decked out with your favorite team’s logo. That’ll cause friends and family to say, “Oh, Jim always was crazy about baseball.” Well, now we’ve got our own Cubs mausoleum. Try that, and they’ll be saying, “Oh, Jim always was bats**t crazy.”

Cubs Mausoleum

Modeled after Wrigley field, complete with red brick and ivy, comes Beyond the Vines. There is room for 288 “season ticket holders” to rest peacefully in “Eternal Skyboxes.” See, that’s funny, because I always thought the appropriate place for Cubs to be buried was in the NL Central cellar.

Yesterday was opening day for Beyond The Vines, where loved ones can walk on actual Wrigley Field sod, and sit in authentic box seats while they watch the stained glass scoreboard. There’s at least one inaccuracy for you, since the scoreboard doesn’t have the Cubs losing.

“Going to visit loved ones at the cemetery can be a bit gloomy at times, which is why I wanted to transform the experience of the cemetery visit…You’ll be able to go back in time and reminisce about those great moments you’ve shared with your departed.” said [founder Dennis] Mascari. “One of our customers actually said ‘I can’t wait to be here.’”

I’d feel the same way if Kevin Gregg was my closer.

Lou Piniella is already scouting Beyond the Vines for a second basemen and a fifth starter.

Mascari says that if successful, he’d like to repeat the concept for Yankees fans. But there’s already a Yankees mausoleum. It’s called George Steinbrenner Field in Tampa, and The Boss’s preserved body is on display à la Lenin.