67-Year-Old Man Brains Teenager With Golf Club

Golf club attacks are not funny. We repeat: they are not funny. Golf clubs are at the very top of sports’ evolutionary chain of hand-held objects designed to send projectiles a long distance, and that means if they catch hold of a skull instead of a Titleist, bad things are soon to follow. Like 21 months in jail bad.

Caddyshack
(For the third time: NOT FUNNY.)

So it’s with that somber approach that we talk about this latest news, in which one Charles Kascinski (no, not him) attacked a 16-year-old with a golf club. Oh, and it happened as the victim and his friends were approaching a police officer, so yes, there’s more to this story.

Per the TRENTONIAN:

“That’ll show you to undermine me!”

Those words were muttered by a 67-year-old man right after he allegedly hit a 16-year-old kid in the back of the head with a golf club last Saturday. The incident was sparked when one of three juveniles was believed to have hit a golf ball through the man’s upstairs house window here on Golf Club Drive.

Charles Kascinski, 67, of Golf Club Drive, Middletown, was charged with aggravated assault, simple assault, recklessly endangering another person and disorderly conduct and released on $30,000 bail after arraignment before District Justice John J. Kelly. He didn’t respond to a phone request for comment last night.

Remember when we said we were going to be somber? That’s out the window, because the attack happened on Golf Club Drive. Come on! It’s like getting shot to death on Gun Murder Avenue. WHAT DID YOU EXPECT TO HAPPEN?

We have a feeling, however, that this attack was more than just a random clubbing. According to the story, victim Austino Blaydon had just joined his two friends who were hitting balls in the area. Odds that they were aiming for windows? 50%. Wait a second, any more details that might move that one up or down?

The injured boy, Austino Blaydon, 16, is the grandson of Langhorne Mayor Chris Blaydon.

Okay, so the assailant was an old guy who was reportedly disrespected to the point of rage… by a teenager… from a privileged family? Odds just went up to 70,000% that they were harassing Kascinski.

Unfortunately, “they were being total spoiled pricks” isn’t going to be a valid defense, and just about the only reason the old man’s not going to spend a ton of time in the pokey is that Blaydon’s already out of the hospital after two days (albeit after a skull fracture and concussion). You think the kid (or his friends) learned a lesson about respecting other people and their property?

Christ, no. They’re teenagers. This’ll probably just be something new to brag about.