With the economy going down quicker than Kaz Tadano, many pro franchises (especially those that don’t rhyme with “Schpankees”) are all of a sudden looking for ways to protect their money, rather than keep up the status quo of “immediately spend as much money as humanly possible.” Even the most hallowed tradition of modern sports, the riotously expensive and unnecessary new stadium, is at risk; as the CONTRA COSTA TIMES reports, San Francisco’s plans for a new stadium in Santa Clara are “almost certainly defunct,” despite dubious claims otherwise by Niner brass.
What to do, what to do? Certainly the 49ers can’t stay at Candlestick; it’s only one of the most recognizable and tradition-rich stadia left in the country. Tear the place down! But they can’t afford a new place of their own… wait a second, are you thinking what I’m thinking? As Lisa Lang, 49ers spokeswoman told reporters, “[I]if it makes sense to share the stadium with another professional sports team and a workable option emerges, it is something we would be willing to discuss.” Roommates! Aww, yay, bunkbeds!
Lang did say that a deal with the Raiders is “not the current objective,” but who in the world could she have been talking about otherwise? Let’s run it down:
(MLB) SF Giants: Have their own stadium at AT&T Park, featuring McCovey Cove. Undoubtedly one of the five best baseball parks in the country. No, they won’t be moving out.
(MLB) Oakland A’s: Tired of sharing Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum with the Raiders, just completed a deal for a new stadium in nearby-ish Fremont, despite frantic protestations from the Volvo-based community.
Again, extremely unlikely to join forces with the Niners.
(NFL) Oakland Raiders: Hello!
(NBA) Golden State Warriors: Play in an indoors facility that is wildly ill-suited for football. The end zone would be in row Q.
(NHL) NoCal Grundle Busters: A fictional franchise I made up on the PlayStation one time. Also, football on ice would be dangerous.
So if the Niners really want us to believe that they’re open to a deal with a professional sports team, they can really only be talking about the Raiders. So this is like closing time at a bar, when the woman asks if the man’s just looking for sex, and he responds with a, “no, no way, unless that’s what you want, then yes completely absolutely yes I have condoms my pants are already off.” C’mon, San Fran. Just come out with it. There’s a time and place for passive-aggressive behavior, and it’s neither here nor now. It’s here, instead.