Our favorite part of baseball’s All-Star Game is the fact that sportswriters are forced to spend this week searching up the most obscure stories around (the ones not falling back on doing a story about Josh Hamilton’s love affair with God, at least). For the most part, this leads to a bunch of boring, inspirational crap. But not for John Rutherford of NBC NEWS, who dug up surly old ballplayer Bill Werber.
The 100-year-old Werber, the oldest living former major league ballplayer and former teammate to famous racist Babe Ruth, no longer watches baseball. Why? Because you’re all a bunch of pansies!
“No, I haven’t seen a ball game in four or five years,” 100-year-old Bill Werber, the oldest living former major league baseball player, said in an interview. “I don’t like the appearance of a lot of the players. The hair’s too long. Their beards are too evident. They’re a grubby-looking bunch of caterwaulers.”
We completely agree, especially about players these days being a bunch of caterwaulers, which is hilarious old-tyme slang for “crybaby” and is officially our new favorite word. Also, for the record, please get off his lawn.